Clocks

I just added clocks to my world clocks page on my iPod. Just seeing Madrid and Frankfurt and that it was almost 8am there made me sad. There are people and places that I love over there. I miss being there more with my soul than I missed living here when we were there. Sure I missed my friends and I wasn't happy with the people I worked closely with. It's hard to love it when you feel constantly judged but taking all that away, I miss it. More than I missed being here. Oh to see the beauty there again.
A RA who was there when we were went back to visit and posted photos recently. Oh that was hard seeing them. Someday we will go back of God calls us back there.

Children and the world

I want to make sure we take our kids places. Right now due to financial constraints, we can't but I can put them in experiences to meet other people from different places.
As I've mentioned, the ESL ministry I help out with is one of my favorite activities. I was apprehensive at first about having my children in childcare during that time. I'm not even sure why. Maybe I was worried that the other parents wouldn't understand the sick kid rules. Who knows. Now I'm very glad they've gotten a chance to be around kids from all over the world.
It's easy to have a very narrow worldview growing up where we live. There are a lot of international people here but you can pick your activities so that you really don't have to interact with people from different cultures.
I didn't have a grasp on the international students I saw some in campus while at college. I want my kids to understand that ministry opportunity NOW even so that when they get to college they can effectively interact with those students.
It's about being purposeful. Our church has an all nations and a Chinese service. I love it. The church has grown beyond just a lot of white people to a variety of color!
My son has already noticed the difference in skin color so we've gotten to talk about it. Half of his second Sunday school hour is African. One of his friend's parents adopted a child from Africa. His best friend in ESL is Japanese.
I want to continue make my kids interact with all the cultures we have in our area which is a lot. I want to make them live overseas again so their worldview is broadened. I want to take them on mission trips to Haiti so they can see that no matter our incomes we are all the same.

Getting Excited

Since both of us are now actually mentioning to people that we want to do foster care, I'm getting excited. When I'm just talking or thinking about something it doesn't make it very real. When my husband starts talking about it, you know it's more of a reality.
I was going through some half made tiny baby diapers and thinking that I need to finish them up and make more! I've got some big enough for a 2 mo old but not for an itty bitty. Not that we would only get itty bitties but I want to be prepared!
I hope that we don't get denied because of our house size. It's only two beds but we would keep the baby in our room which is allowed until the child is one year. I don't know if they would then take the child or if we would be able to see out the end of their case if we moved one of our kids into our room for a few months to see a child through their time in the system.
I guess this is what it's like for people who try to get pregnant. Both my kids were surprises so I never experienced that anticipation of trying to get pregnant. I really would love a third baby of our own, but I'm happy to be a temporary mommy to a third baby over and over again. I just need to not want to keep all of them!!

Longing for Something

In Sunday school today we studied the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman. To make a long story short, Jesus pointed out that the woman was search for something and she was going to men to find it. She had already had five husbands and was with a sixth man. There was a longing in her life that she was trying to quench.
My friend's husband was leading the class. He's an excellent teacher. He posed the question if Jesus sat down with you what would he say you're trying to replace the longing inside of you with?
I understand that longing. It was nice to have it verbalized. Granted I'm not filling my longing with man after man but I have been searching for a purpose since coming back to the states.
I think part of my longing won't be satisfied until we are back overseas. But I have found a way I can happily do something missional. We are going to look into fostering babies.
I feel like now we maybe be doing something more than just waiting to leave again.

Busy Life

I've been very neglectful over here, but it's not like anyone has been reading my posts anyhow. 2012 is a year God is going to do a lot of good in. I just know it.

Cold Make Me Miss...

Over Christmas, I had an intense longing for Germany. I'm not sure why Christmas spurred it on. It's kinda funny that it did because in Germany, we didn't have any family around for Christmas. So you'd think that of all times, I definitely wouldn't be longing for being away at Christmastime. But I was.
I wonder what brings on longing for places sometimes. I think it's neat that some day we won't have longings anymore.

Matthew 5:13

"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men" Matthew 5:13

We studied this verse in Sunday school a few Sundays ago. I learned a lot about salt through preparing for this lesson. What is the big deal about salt? Salt preserves, it was a valued commodity in the past, wars were fought over it, economies were based on it. Salt creates thirst.

What does that have to do with anything especially being a Christian?

Preservative - the world is rotting a decaying. Just look at the news, our country is going to hell in a handbasket. There is no morality anymore, okay there is some but its getting harder to find. Every day it seems like there's another big moral dilemma in the news from a boy joining the boy scouts to abortion to gay marriage. What do we do with it all? How do we make sense of it? I'm not really sure, but I do know that it's our fault, as believers, that this has happened. We have stopped standing up for what is right in fear of being ridiculed, persecuted, etc. Salt preserves. We are the salt. We should keep the world from rotting by our moral stances, but because we didn't and don't, the world hasn't been preserved.

John Stott: And when society goes bad, we Christians tend to throw up our hands in pious horror and reproach the non-Christian world; but should we not rather reproach ourselves? One can hardly blame unsalted meat from going bad. It cannot do anything else. The real question to ask is: Where is the salt?

I think we have failed to be the salt, which is sad because it isn't a challenge. It's a command. You ARE the salt of the earth. Salt cannot become tasteless, it's a dumb analogy which just drives in the fact that we HAVE to be the salt. We have no other choice, yet we choose to follow the world and bend to it instead of preserving the world.

Thirst - salt makes us thirsty. Our presence around others should make them thirsty and ask us why we are the way we are. But we have to make sure people can see this and that there is a difference between us and non-believers.

Are we using our money like Christians? Talking like a Christian? Leading our families like a Christian? What do we do with our leisure time? How can we stand out? Do we stand out?

Healing - Salt in a wound kept it from festering, but it was also painful. Christians are to stand for the truth, but there will be opposition 1 Peter 2:12. Salt can heal,but it's not going to be easy. It's challenging in this modern day.

I hope thinking about being salt is challenging. It's causing me to be more bold in telling people why I do what I do. To not shirk back from the fact that I served on the overseas mission field when they ask why I was in Germany. I know my husband's coworkers when they knew we were about to leave, they were very curious. That's good. I want people to ask us why we went, not so we look awesome but to see that there are Christians who sacrifice their "American" lives for the sake of the Gospel.

We need to be different. Salt has a distinct taste, so we need to have a distinct taste. We don't need to wear non-modern clothes like the Amish, but I do believe we need to not conform to this world. We need to make a distinction on why we do what we do and not be afraid to tell people. Bold and salty. You are the salt of the earth. Go and make people salty.

When Cancer is Near

I'm not a stranger to cancer striking close to home. My grandmother was diagnosed with lung and pancreatic cancer a few years ago. She passed away in June 2009 from the lung cancer, strange as that sounds for anyone who knows anything about pancreatic cancer. Her lung cancer spread to her hip and became bone cancer. I remember being sad at her diagnosis, but not heartbroken. My main beef was that if she died, we'd have to take care of my grandfather who was part of the 95% of Italian men who can't run a washing machine. Seriously, there was a study done on that recently. As it turns out, he died about 9 months before she did, very suddenly from either a stroke or heart attack. We're not too sure as there was never a autopsy done.
My mother in law had a second round of breast cancer last fall. I remember it stressing me out, but again, I wasn't crying over it. I guess I didn't have any reason to be sad as it never occurred to me that it could have been bad. Thankfully, she's fine. Surgery and some hormone drugs for 5 years and she's right as rain with a few scars.
I think with both of these women in my life, they were/are older and so it's like in my mind, older people get sick. They get diseases, it's life. I don't mean to sound callous about it, but I think that was my rationalizing.
Today, however, I learned that a girl, okay so she's a woman, but that makes us sound SO OLD, from the Bible study I participated in this summer was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. Joyful in the Lord is a good phrase to describe her. She's always smiling, always joyful, there's a twinkle in her eye that only comes from someone who seeks God constantly. She's also 27 years old. 27. Three years younger than me. Someone my age, with a one year old. Someone who could be me. Someone with a husband, a baby, dreams, desires, a future and now this. Cancer.
They are hopeful about it although they won't know more
She decided to have a double mastectomy which will happen right after Thanksgiving. They're doing that to make sure it can't come back if they ever have another baby. Her cancer was fueled by pregnancy hormones. This was a hard decision for them because she'll never be able to breastfeed again. I know that's not the end of the world, but it's still a huge thing to wrap one's mind around, and I know she had a hard time deciding that. They're hopeful about her prognosis. Not too sure about fertility, but when you've got a young family, I think survival is more important than biological children, which they think as well, but still, what a decision to have to make. Every decision they make concerning her treatment impacts the rest of their lives.
My tears have finally dried up, my prayers will not until she gets through this awfulness.
She and her husband started this blog to document and encourage and inspire as they walk through this trial. They are both amazing Christians and I've already been so encouraged in my own life by reading a few of their posts. Treasures In Heaven

Isaiah 49:6

Isaiah 49:6 says, “He says, It is too small a thing that You should be My Servant To raise up the tribes of Jacob and to restore the preserved ones of Israel; I will also make You a light of the nations So that My salvation may reach to the end of the earth."

In Sunday school this past week I taught on being salt and light. I was reading a blog this morning and I came across this verse in Isaiah and since it deals with light, it said stop and think about me.

A light. What is a light? There are lighthouses, night lights, the sun, stars, moon, lamps, flashlights.... all of them lead the way. On Sunday we looked at Matthew 5:14-16 which talks about believers being lights and here again in Isaiah, we are told we will be lights. A light to lead the way to salvation for the nations. Without our lights, who will be lead to salvation? Do we do anyone any good by hiding our lights or just serving God quietly? Apparently not. Apparently it's not just enough to "do good" but we must also make it apparent that we are Christians.

It's too small of a thing to just be servants. We are always told to serve God, but this verse makes it sound like just serving isn't enough, we must also shine our faith bright enough so that others can be lead to salvation. Not to hide our lights, but to make sure everyone knows why we're doing what we're doing.

I don't think this means we need to stand on a street corner and shout out dooms day warnings. I think this means that when we're asked what we're doing, we need to tell people the reason. If we're standing up for the meek and someone asks us why we bother, we need to say its because of our faith in Christ we are defending the meek. It's not enough to say just because. We need to proclaim the reason for our good deeds. I think that will help others to understand that we're not just "good people" but we are people of faith, people that have a reason for doing what we're doing. Anyone can do good, but we shouldn't let our good deeds and service be confused with altruistic individuals. We need to let others know, at appropriate times, that our desires stem from God's word and not from our own hearts.

Feeling Lost

I read this great quote in a Bible study this weekend as I was preparing, last minute, of course, for teaching Sunday school.

Jesus is not calling for us to will ourselves into a state of fake happiness. We are not to pretend life here is fun when it isn't or that our losses are not painful and at times devastating. We are to mourn and weep and suffer with the suffering that living in a place that is not our home inevitably brings. As we continue to follow Jesus our lives here will not get easier. In fact, I find that the longings, the mourning, the hungering, just gets deeper and deeper. I feel less at home here than I did many years ago. We have struggled greatly through this past year and I know many who are in difficult circumstances right now. - Trinity Center Bible Study.

I read that over and over again. Wow. That's how I feel, that's where I am and someone else feels the same way? I finally get the whole heaven is my home deal that I've been hearing about in depth since taking a Christian worldview class in college. I understood what people meant back then, but I didn't GET it. And now someone put it to words. I could have cried reading it, but I had to finish getting dressed for church.

Less American

I walk everywhere I can. Sometimes by choice and sometimes by force as I don't have a car available at the moment. I get offers from people I know all the time who offer to pick me up. The walk I usually take to the moms' group I participate in and the ESL ministry I help in is only about 15 minutes. Since I do it at least once a week if not two, it's a really short walk. I really, really don't mind it and like the exercise. Plus, it shows my children that there are other modes of transportation besides driving.
I've been called crazy and people have told me they've done a double take when seeing someone walking in the cold or rain. Crazy, no?!? No. Not at all. Why do we not embrace walking? Well, for one, I think this area of the country isn't set up for walking so to see someone walk somewhere is bizarre. There aren't any stores very close like there would be in a city.
When it's cold, we bundle up. Walking while pushing two kids in a stroller, gets you sweating so in a few minutes, I'm usually ready to shed a layer. My kids are bundled up and the littlest is under a plastic rain/weather shield which actually keeps her area quite toasty.
When it's raining, my oldest had a rain jacket and the younger has that rain shield over her part of the stroller. Neither has complained about the cold or rain thus far. Granted, I've never walked in a heavy downpour and that would cause us to either delay or cancel our plans of walking and just stay at home.
Anyhow, my blog title. Less American. I'm trying to figure out how to get somewhere on a day I don't have a car and I enter into a conversation with someone about how I walk places. I find myself saying I'm trying to be less American. What in the world I meant by that I'm not sure. Less..lazy? Less...needy? Less....entitled? Less....expecting everything? I don't know.
The longer I live here after living abroad the less tolerant I am of being from the United States. Which sounds horrid as I have relatives who fought in the World Wars and served in the military. I don't want to downplay all that they have done for our country to keep us from dictators, etc. but at the same time, I really am at odd lately with the prosperity of our country and the entitlement we all feel.
We don't need most of the things we have, yet we say "I need" all the time when it's really a "I want." I'm trying to live with less. Some out of necessity some out of trying to be more able to be like Jesus. Jesus had no permanent place to rest his head once he started his ministry. Why should I have any better? I don't feel at home here anymore and it's hard to know what to do with that.

ESL Moms

I help/converse/enjoy an ESL ministry at a local church. We go every week, well, we’ve missed twice due to illness, but we go when we’re able to make the 20 min walk down the street. I participate in Mom’s Conversation which is an amazing hour where I get to chat with three to five lovely women from other countries (plus Leah, the leader, but she’s American, but also lovely). I think this hour is my favorite part of my week. Can you hear the missionary in me singing? Love, love, love this time in my week.

One woman, V,  is from El Salvador. She is about 25 and already has three children. She was married at 15! Such a different culture than here! She’s so sweet and a bit timid but she is so brave speaking English because you can tell it’s still something she has to concentrate very hard on. I’m amazed at her braveness.

One of the Koreans, J, has two little boys. She speaks very well. Another woman, A, I believe is also Korean. She speaks slowly and precisely. Again, I admire her ability to put herself out there and make mistakes as I’m so frightened to speak another language and she’s doing it so well.

There are two women from Japan. One R, is very talkative and social. The other, whom I can’t remember her name!! Is also very talkative and social. I wonder if that may be a difference between the Korean and Japanese cultures. The Korean women are more shy and soft spoken.

I’m so enjoying my time getting to know these women and love their willingness to make mistakes as we talk about life and being moms. Makes me realize I need to just get out there whenever we get a chance to get back overseas. People admire you for trying and will deal with your mistakes if you’re making an honest effort to communicate with them in their country’s language.

Most weeks we really don’t talk about anything special, just like when my friends and I get together. One week we talked about the state fair and this week we talked about child birth and bad advice people give you about raising children. So much fun. Is it bad that I like this hour better than the English speaking  mom’s group I attend at the same church during the month? I like that group as well, but this one makes my heart happy.

Being a Peaceful and Messy Mommy

This is one of my favorite poems:

Mother, O’ Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth.

Hang out the washing, make up the bed,

Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,

Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,

Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek – peekaboo.

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew,

And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo.

But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?

Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,

But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Perfect justification for why my house is always a mess. Some day it may be clean and organized, but then my babies will be all grown up, so sad. I’m in the midst of composing my own kind of poem like this. When I finish I’ll post, but until then, rock those babies!

We sometimes forget that the first witness our children have to the character of God is our attitude towards them.

Why We Need God

I hardly pay attention to the news. I should continue not to. People are sick and demented. A lady, from where I don't remember, was recently convicted for MICROWAVING her child. Yes, you read that right. I had to re-read the article myself. SICK SICK SICK. It said she was fighting with her boyfriend over the child or something to that extent.
This and a conversation I had at some point in life with a friend over their many significant others whether relationships or random dating has made me think about how much we really do need God to be the center of our lives. How unhappy and sick was that mother that killed her child because of her need to be with her boyfriend and was willing to get rid of her own flesh and blood to do so. You could subsitute boyfriend with money, power, anything almost. If we're not placing God at the center, than bad things happen.
We really do not need other human beings to make us happy. We need God to make us "happy" and the rest will fall into place. I'm not saying that if you're a Christian you will be loved by everyone, but I believe that if we follow God and place him in the center of our lives, he will lead us to a place where we will have support from other Christians. No one, no thing can ever fill that void. I look at celebrities and see all the crud they do and I do think, boy do they have a Jesus shaped hole in their hearts. It's true! Yes, that sounds Sunday school-ish, but it is true. Why do you think that God wrote that we were to have no other gods before Him? It is because he is the only one that can fill that Jesus shaped hole. I look at Britney Spears when she is on the tv and the media is tearing her apart and I feel sooooo sorry for her. She is such a mess. She needs someone to come into her life and help her turn her life to God. I have friends in my own life who need to stop filling the emptiness with things other than God. It is hard to tell people that they have a Jesus shaped hole in their hearts sometimes, but it is TRUE.
Why do we place other things before God? Well, for one, we're big sinners. And living in a sinful world just helps us keep going with that sinfulness in our own lives. It is so much easier to place things in front of God (so we think) than to stop, pray and read about God. Sinning can be fun. It is hard to be good. I watch my son do naughty things like touching the trash can or other things he isn't supposed to do and he enjoys doing those things. (Gross, yes).
I'm kinda loosing my train of thought, but it all comes down to the fact that we need to be Christ centered in our lives. Only Christ can fill us. Only Christ can make us happy. Only Christ can make us feel like a real person. Only Christ can make us clean in a dirty world. Only Christ can save us. I could go on. You get the point.

Who Do You Trust?

The economy is quite cruddy. I try to not pay much attention to the news though as it's great for bubbling up worries. What I do try to pay attention to is what the Israelites failed to do and I'm trying not to do the same thing. The Israelites looked to man and the works of their own hands. They worshiped idols that they had made. How silly is that? Think about it. They may have taken a stick, carved a neat looking design and face on it and decided it was worship worthy. And then they worshiped it! A stick! Silly, no? But we do the same thing. We "make" things like our houses, our cars, our possessions and then we worship them. Who made those things? Another human being. Even though we may have earned the money to pay for those items, why do we hold them in such esteem? We shouldn't praise man. Isaiah writes that who is man that we should esteem him? His life is in his breath.
In saying this, who should we look to in these times of trouble? The govenment? No way. They are man, and we shouldn't esteem them. Plus the Israelites were constantly looking towards the government to save them and they got captured and lots of not so happy things happened to them. We need to look towards God to sustain us through these hard times. God is the only one who will carry us through without fail. If he cares for the lilies and the birds, shouldn't he care even more for us? We are made in his image. He cares deeply for us and wants to provide for us in only the way that he can. For some, that providing may be just having enough to get by on for others it may be a more prosporous existence. If you look to God to provide the means to take care of your family, he will do so. You may not get enough to buy that new expensive item that you want, but he will provide you with enough to pay the bills, feed your family and keep a roof over your head.